It has been observed that modern working women is at crossroads vis a vis her career and family.
- Not interested in childbearing and childcaring as s sole person responsible for the child. It affects their career and ambitions.
- One in three women have sexual dysfunction or sexual boredom.
- Unreciprocated love by partner replaced by interests.
- Happily married just 17—20%.
- Living together but not loving each other.
- Prefer to live in virtual world, more interested in social media.
- Marrying ---Not keen, 40-50% want to remain unmarried to live free life.
Another study shows following stats:-
- Around 20% had not married by age of 30 years.
- 1 in 3 women had no children.
- Happiness levels falling every day.
- Working women thought work and children cause her lot of stress.
- Working women complain their partners dismissed their pleasure.
- Burnt out--- There is rise in frustration and mental exhaustion.
- Significant working women suffer from insomnia.
Working women psychology: --
Working women are a role model for those who understand there is lot behind their smile such as hard work , society pressure , family pressure , tired body and spirit of not giving up. Women find themselves forced into public sphere to find importance and self-full filment as their role in home has drastically reduced. Women are forced out of home due to male aggression, low motivation, lack of respect and advanced technologies. Women today have many psychological problems. They feel tremendous difficulty in rearing child in unsuitable environments. Modern women do not feel childbearing as an honor unlike past times. Feminism claims of social and political equality but, it instead targets sexual and social frustrations of women. Wives holding higher posts face marital problems. Women who seek successful career and family life find it difficult to achieve both. Women leaving home lose their sense of emotional security and their ownership of femininity. When she does not desire child, she will not enjoy sex. Instead, she faces mental breakdown-Neurosis. More educated experience less sexual pleasure as their priorities are different. Women with extramarital relationships face excessive psychological instability. It has been seen percentage of burnt-out women is rapidly increasing. This means she has lot of mental stress[ Neurosis] , frustration and confusion. She realizes Ramp walks are exploitation of women by men but is not ready to condemn it, instead she feels such shows give her” confidence and her value outside”. This is bizarre thinking. A woman looking for man to validate her existence in real sense is a weak woman. Because of her mental stress she resorts to drugs, drinking and smoking. None of these are virtues. There is rise in “Date raping”. For reader, Date raping means, “Woman ‘s drink is spiked in party and her so called friend molests her”. Consumption of these things will make her weak and vulnerable. They harm her body, yet she sticks to these to get away from stressful life. One needs to face a problem than shying away from it. Shying away cannot solve problem, she needs to understand that.
Working women and marriage: --
Working women as on today feels marriage is a liability. Arranged marriages were condemned on the ground that boy and girl were bonded without they knowing each other. That gave birth to Love marriage, where in boy/girl court together to know each other before getting married. Whole idea being to make marriage, a success. But in real life love marriages are also failing. Incidence of failure is around 40—45% in West. It is much higher in some European countries. Why are love marriages failing? Answer is that marriage does not carry same meaning today than what it carried in past. For a successful marriage, flexibility, understanding each other and trust are prerequisites. A successful marriage means—commitment, accepting responsibility and knowing partners plus and negatives. This working woman feels marriage limits her freedom, gives her extra burden. She also feels she is taken for granted in family. These conditions/limitations are not acceptable to her. Marriage has three components—Pleasure, Children, and lifelong company. Children bearing, she is not interested as it affects her career. Lifelong company with one person is boring and taxing. She is glued to social media. In social media she chit chats with persons whom she may even not know. The reason is that she is not burdened to behave in a certain way, she’s not judged for her opinions and she’s free to express herself freely. She prefers social media chat over a person who may be sitting just across table [Partner] . That is set of mind of present-day woman. For Pleasure she chooses new options available. One option is “Live in relationship”. In this option she lives with a person without any commitment. One can walk out of this relationship at any time without any hassles. Problem with this option is—“Insecurity”. There are social pressures also against this relationship, but she is ready to fend herself against these pressures. Second option is to remain alone, no relationships. She satisfies her desire by using artificial tools [ Sex toys]. Her thinking affected by material available on this subject on internet, Utube etc. Little does she realize that these outlets are commercial. Information given is deceptive. How many of them know long term side effects of these artificial means? Percentage of Loners is rising day by day. In Japan it has reached to 40-45% of young population. In India a study showed 24-40%did not want to marry. Reasons given were that marriage curtails freedom, affects career, and gives added responsibility. Third option is to have a boyfriend with whom she has physical relationship but both live separately. This sounds good so long as it is one only. There are women who go extra mile I,e Sexual encounters , wife swapping. This sexual behavior amounts to closed door prostitution. This not only is unethical but immoral too. That is the state of affairs as on today visavis working woman and marriage.
From the afore said it seems institution of marriage is dying out. Need of hour is to rethink about this whole issue keeping in view aspirations of working woman. In past dowry and abuse were two chief causes of failed marriages. Now marriages fail as true love has been replaced by interests, career and not ready to accept responsibilities. In some small group sexual dissatisfaction is also cause of marriage failure. Institution of marriage needs to be respected and reinstated in society. It is important for a woman to reclaim household domesticity with authority. This reclaim can also help in restoring social order. She can continue her career ambitions but at the same time she has to be part of family. It seems true love in modern times is replaced by lust and interests. True love needs to come back. It will need some sacrifice. Men need to shun authoritarian attitude, help her in household, support and encourage her career. Successful marriages have high levels of friendship and emotional connect. It is important to turn towards rather turn away to make marriage a success. It seems in present times boy and girl are together for vested interests, not for love. True love needs to come back and should be bipartisan. Only in real love individuals can be happy. Once individual is happy, consequently society will become happy. True love really improves each other’s lives.
---“Money only impresses lazy girls. A man with money is bonus, not a ladder to upgrade”.
-----"A beautiful woman with a brain is a lethal combination”.
| *Dr. Makhan Lal Babu, Born and brought up in Kashmir, lived in Kashmir till his migration from valley in 1990. Retired as Professor and Head Neurosurgery from Institute of Medical sciences, Soura, Srinagar. Has published a lot of professional articles, both in national and international journals. His interests, besides medicine, are in Ancient history of Kashmir, Vedas and Ancient India. His focus is educating youth who are fast losing track of their glorious roots and culture.